Good Grief, My kids may actually be listening to me

No matter how much we cut back on the STUFF this holiday season, the cousins, the Aunts and the grandparents still couldn't hold themselves back from spoiling the kids. I can't really blame them. They earned their right to overindulge their grandkids and then pile into the Prius and drive away. I realized that what really made me nuts with all the presents is that not only would small pieces be lost instantly, that antennas would be broken and vital connectors lost, but most importantly, more needy kids would cherish what my kids would fleetingly enjoy and then forget.

It's natural for kids to want more and more but when I would see a broken toy, abandoned by sundown on Christmas I had really had enough. I actually tried a few new tricks this year that may have worked. Step one is that when I saw the kids open a gift I could tell they enjoyed opening more than using, I hid it as soon as they turned their heads. They already got the joy of opening the package and if I hear nothing about the "Giant Cinderella doll" for a week, she's off to the Goodwill. We also noticed when the kids were in overload,we redirected to another activity and then moved the last few presents to the closet. The next night when we were up enjoying the snow on our one day budget snow trip, I pulled out the last few gifts. They were ecstatic. Much more than they would have been had they opened them Xmas day.

Even with all my new "Tricks" I still had a meltdown when we could not find all the markers that Sadie had JUST opened moments before. I was tired, worn out and feeling overwhelmed by the stuff that kept coming in. I was crying that I couldn't stand seeing everything broken, lost and abandoned so quickly. It was all too much for the kids and me. I took a moment to lie down and regroup and vowed to do some organizing and redistributing this week.

Tonight though, I was singing the kids to sleep and I sang Deylan the mockingbird song"If that mockingbird don't sing, momma's gonna buy you a diamond ring...")He looked up at me and said "Momma, I don't really like that song." I asked why and he said that he felt bad that I kept buying him things and they kept breaking so I had to buy him more stuff. I felt so sad that he took on my Holiday stress and so touched that on some level he got it. He was actually listening when I least expected it. I guess that's the other lesson here. We never know when our kids, who masterfully ignore most of what we say, are actually letting something slip into to their conciousness. For me it always seems to be when I'm melting down or of course when I use some choice language that will come back to me through his teacher I'm sure. Hopefully the 100 times a day I tell him that he and his sister are brilliant, beautiful and completely adored by us will sink in too.

Susan Older-Mondeel is the founder of SadieDey's Cafe (formerly known as tumble & tea). Sue wanted a community place where she could enjoy her children and enjoy herself, preferably with a strong coffee in hand. Where was this common ground for children and the weary adults who love them? Well it was in her head and in her heart and now at 4210 Telegraph Avenue, Oakland CA. Check it out at www.sadiedeyscafe.com or call 510-601-REST (7378) SadieDey's Cafe-You've gotta eat, Kids gotta play!

Savoring the moment

It's almost trite to bring up the fact that times are tough. I don't know a soul that is not suffering through financial hardships, illness or just plain old holiday blues. On the suffering scale, I'll admit that I don't really have much room for complaining but despite my healthy beautiful family I still get the blues too. I feel so ungrateful when I'm not joyful at all my blessings. What I'm learning is that joy isn't really a constant, at least for me. For me it's a series of random sometimes fleeting moments. I don't have a good or bad day exactly, it's more like good and bad moments. Unfortunately the bad moments have a way of sticking together and the good moments get lost if not savored. Brian and I actually have a deal that when we are having a frustrating outing with the kids we make sure to take at least one picture during a "good moment". With our faulty memory capabilities, we know that a year from now when we look at that picture, say from pumpkin patch, we will remember the outing with joy rather than than remember that it was hot, Sadie refused to accept that she got only 1 pumkin, and we lost Dey in the corn maze. You may call it selective memory, I call it the fabulous gift of forgetfulness.

Today in the midst of computer glitches, broken highchairs, employee scheduling and other work stress I heard Miss Nanci singing "Santa Clause is comin to town". It immediately triggered fond childhood memories (despite the fact that I was raised as a Jew mind you). My husband often marvels at how many Christmas carols his Bat Mitzva'd wife knows by heart... Anyway, hearing all the kids singing along today triggered one of those fleeting moments of joy. I stepped out of my office and watched all the kids singing together and I felt a sense of pride for this crazy, messy, noisy, boisterous cafe. I saw all kinds of families, enjoying their coffees and snacks curled up on couches, catching up with friends, singing along to corny kid tunes and basically engaging with their community. It was a good moment, and then I was told the toilet backed up again and the spell was broken. I didn't get a picture though so this entry will have to suffice.

"Good Enough" Christmas this Year

It's time to get your tickets for our annual New Year's Party for kids (countdown at 6pm sharp!) featuring ASHEBA. I know, I know, how the heck can you even think about New Year's when your Holiday TO-DO list is completely freaking you out? Presents, cards, trees, wrapping, mailing, traveling, giving and oh yes-Joy! I'm going for the "Good enough" system this year to get me through. We went to the garage to get the big artificial tree that was donated to us last year and next to it I saw an old small white tree I had used for extra decoration one year. I remembered the hours and hours it took to get the big tree put together and how we barely got it back into the box. I said to Brian "Let's use the white "Charlie Brown" one this year and call it a day. We set her up in 5 minutes and spent the rest of the day putting 100 ornaments all over her. Our tree is what I like to call perfectly imperfect and that is "good enough". More time playing, less time fussing-check! So make one thing easier on yourself this year. Break with tradition and create a bigger space for the Joy part.