Good Grief, My kids may actually be listening to me

No matter how much we cut back on the STUFF this holiday season, the cousins, the Aunts and the grandparents still couldn't hold themselves back from spoiling the kids. I can't really blame them. They earned their right to overindulge their grandkids and then pile into the Prius and drive away. I realized that what really made me nuts with all the presents is that not only would small pieces be lost instantly, that antennas would be broken and vital connectors lost, but most importantly, more needy kids would cherish what my kids would fleetingly enjoy and then forget.

It's natural for kids to want more and more but when I would see a broken toy, abandoned by sundown on Christmas I had really had enough. I actually tried a few new tricks this year that may have worked. Step one is that when I saw the kids open a gift I could tell they enjoyed opening more than using, I hid it as soon as they turned their heads. They already got the joy of opening the package and if I hear nothing about the "Giant Cinderella doll" for a week, she's off to the Goodwill. We also noticed when the kids were in overload,we redirected to another activity and then moved the last few presents to the closet. The next night when we were up enjoying the snow on our one day budget snow trip, I pulled out the last few gifts. They were ecstatic. Much more than they would have been had they opened them Xmas day.

Even with all my new "Tricks" I still had a meltdown when we could not find all the markers that Sadie had JUST opened moments before. I was tired, worn out and feeling overwhelmed by the stuff that kept coming in. I was crying that I couldn't stand seeing everything broken, lost and abandoned so quickly. It was all too much for the kids and me. I took a moment to lie down and regroup and vowed to do some organizing and redistributing this week.

Tonight though, I was singing the kids to sleep and I sang Deylan the mockingbird song"If that mockingbird don't sing, momma's gonna buy you a diamond ring...")He looked up at me and said "Momma, I don't really like that song." I asked why and he said that he felt bad that I kept buying him things and they kept breaking so I had to buy him more stuff. I felt so sad that he took on my Holiday stress and so touched that on some level he got it. He was actually listening when I least expected it. I guess that's the other lesson here. We never know when our kids, who masterfully ignore most of what we say, are actually letting something slip into to their conciousness. For me it always seems to be when I'm melting down or of course when I use some choice language that will come back to me through his teacher I'm sure. Hopefully the 100 times a day I tell him that he and his sister are brilliant, beautiful and completely adored by us will sink in too.

Susan Older-Mondeel is the founder of SadieDey's Cafe (formerly known as tumble & tea). Sue wanted a community place where she could enjoy her children and enjoy herself, preferably with a strong coffee in hand. Where was this common ground for children and the weary adults who love them? Well it was in her head and in her heart and now at 4210 Telegraph Avenue, Oakland CA. Check it out at www.sadiedeyscafe.com or call 510-601-REST (7378) SadieDey's Cafe-You've gotta eat, Kids gotta play!